Revenge
by Artdirector123
Summary: Part of my Big Brother William AU where in the 2003 Anime, Hohenheim didn't leave Envy to Dante. Some say revenge is a dish best served cold. To Edward and William, ther are many ways to serve a hearty helping of revenge, including covering it in salt.


It all started with an experiment. That was it. A harmless little test with a bit of misplaced curiosity. Neither William nor Edward realized how far it would go. It was a Monday morning when it all began. Edward was passed out on the Couch, a book covering part of his face and half a blanket draped over his stomach and left leg. The rest of it had pooled on the floor in front of the sofa. The teenager snored loudly, his mouth hanging wide open. It was the only indicator that he was not as dead to the world as he appeared. His older brother watched with amusement from a short distance away. The idiot had fallen asleep researching again. This was probably the third time this week. He sighed as he walked over to his younger brother. He really had to talk to him about pushing himself too much. He would just let him sleep, but the kid had to report to the colonel's office in roughly an hour, so he had no choice but to rouse the tired teen from his slumber and face his morning grumpiness.

"Hey," William said, roughly shaking his shoulder, "Come on, sleeping beauty. Time to get up."

Ed's bleary eyes opened and he pulled the book off his face to glare at Will. He groaned and turned on his side. "No…" he muttered, "Need sleep. Go away."

"Sorry pipsqueak, can't let you do that," he said, leaning on the couch, "You gotta meet with the colonel in an hour."

Edward glared at him again before pulling the blanket over him more. "Don't care," he grumbled, "Sleep is more important."

William raised an eyebrow before pulling the blanket off of Edward. "Well then you should have thought of that before staying up until two in the morning researching," he retorted, causing Ed to sit up and grimace at him.

"Come on, brother," Al said from where he was washing dishes, "Will and I made a really nice breakfast for you! It'll get cold if you wait any longer."

Edward huffed before yawning and stretching. "Fine…" he muttered as he got to his feet and shuffled to the table, muttering as he did so.

Alphonse handed him a plate of eggs and a bowl of oatmeal with honey. He mumbled a thank you to him as he started stirring the sweet, syrupy substance into the oats. His head bobbed a few times as he blinked to try and wake himself up more. "Hey Will?" he said, "Is there any coffee left from last night?"

"Yes, but I warn you, it's cold," he said as he moved to the fridge.

"Don't care," Ed said, not even looking up as he took the first bite of his meal, "Need caffeine."

William smiled mischievously. "Alright then," he said as he pulled a container from the refrigerator that neither younger sibling could see the contents of it. He quickly poured it out into into a cup and handed it Edward. The boy didn't even glance at it as he brought the cold brown liquid to his mouth as he took a sip. He immediately did a spit take as his squeezed his eyes shut in disgust. What the hell was this?! It was definitely not coffee. It tasted like chocolate, which he didn't mind, but there was a distinctive, other taste to it. One he hated above all else.

"Brother? Are you alright?" Alphonse asked, worry clear in his voice, "What's wrong?"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" he cried, glaring at his brother who was snickering at his reaction, "What the heck was that for?!"

"Sorry, Ed," William said still looking very amused, "I wanted to see if you'd be willing to drink chocolate milk instead because it doesn't taste like milk."

"Of course it still tastes like milk! It's milk!" he said, "Just because you try to hide it behind chocolate flavoring doesn't mean I can't taste it! Ugh!" He brushed his tongue against his shirtsleeve, trying to rid himself of the taste. "Why did you have to do this when I was half awake of all times? That's just mean!"

"It was kind of a dirty trick, Will," Alphonse said.

"Well would you have tried it if I told you what it was?" his brother asked, pouring him a glass of actual coffee, "I don't think so. Besides, it woke you up didn't it?" Ed just glared at him, causing the older brother to chuckle slightly. "Alright, fine! I'm sorry," he said, bringing the glass over to him, "Here's your real coffee. Happy now?"

"No," Edward said, taking it from him, "I'll get you back for this, you know."

Will rolled his eyes. "Sure you will," he said before turning back to him with a devilish smirk, "By the way, you do know that caffeine stunts growth, right? Maybe you should cut back of the coffee." Will snorted, as he had to dodge Ed's spoon that came flying towards him. Alphonse sighed at his brothers' behaviors.

….

Edward continued to be angry with Will all that morning, avoiding him for the most part. Will supposed he deserved it a little but it was annoying nonetheless. Alphonse was also a bit annoyed by the situation. Ed was being a little childish over the whole situation, but he supposed half of Ed's foul mood towards his brother was his sleep deprivation. He was being a little grumpy towards everyone to be completely honest. However, about half way through the day, Edward's tune changed, as he seemed bit more upbeat.

Once

he had gotten back to the dorm, Alphonse noticed a small grin never left his face, even when he was focused on research. "You seem awfully happy today brother," he noted, "Did something happen over lunch to cheer you up?"

Ed smiled wider as he looked to him. "I suppose so," he said, "I just had a really great idea."

"Oh really?" Al said sitting up, "What was it about?" All of a sudden, William walked in, carrying the groceries in with him. The boy in the suit of armor couldn't help but notice the mischievous glint in Edward's eyes as he glanced at him.

"You'll see," he said in a low voice. Alphonse couldn't help but feel a sense of dread at that statement. "Hey Will," he called, "How was the store?"

The older blond paused as he was taken aback by Edward's apparent change in demeanor. He blinked before smiling. Looks like he was finally over the whole chocolate milk incident. "Good," he said, "I managed to get a few good deals on fresh vegetables, not that it matters too much considering your salary, Ed." He then noticed there was a teakettle on the stove. He noticed there wasn't any steam rising from it anymore but one touch to the spout told him the tea wasn't quite cold yet. "Hey, mind if I have some?" He asked.

Alphonse saw Ed's mouth twitch slightly before he said, "Go ahead."

The suit glanced between the kettle and Edward nervously before leaning down and hissing to him, "Ed! What did you do to the tea?!"

Edward blinked up at his younger brother innocently, still smiling before sitting up. "Nothing!" he whispered, before picking up his own cup from the table, "I just wanted some tea, is that so wrong?" He then took a sip from the cup to prove his point that he didn't tamper with the liquid. Alphonse still eyed him suspiciously before glancing back at his eldest brother with worry. William had already poured himself a cup and had grabbed two sugar packets from the container on the table before ripping them open and stirring them in. Once he had done so, he brought the cup to his lips and took a sip...only to immediately spit out the drink again, sputtering and gagging to get the taste of salt off his tongue. Edward laughed in the background at his older brother's misfortune. "What's wrong, Will?" He sneered, "Not sweet enough for you?"

William turned to glare at his little brother. "What the hell Ed!" he snapped, marching up to him, "What did you do to the tea?!"

Edward gave him a faux offended look. "What?" he cried, "How could you say something like that? I did nothing to your tea!" He picked up his own glass, taking another drink.

William's eyes widened in realization before they narrowed. "You little brat!" He growled as his fists clenched, "You switched out all the sugar in the packets for salt!"

Edward glared at him. "Don't call me small!" He hissed, "And don't get mad at me! You started this! Not so fun getting tricked into drinking something is it?" Edward rose to his full height. The two glared at each other with equal animosity, daring the other to make the next move.

"Guys! Stop this!" Al cried, moving between them, "There's no reason to fight over this! Can't you just call it even?"

Both brothers backed off, calming down considerably. "You're right," William said with a sigh as he crossed his arms, "I kinda had this coming. I should just let it go." Alphonse relaxed at his words before he suddenly smirked. "Too bad I suck at letting go of thing," he said with a wicked smirk, "There's no way I'm letting you get the last laugh here, Ed." He then leaned down slightly to look Ed dead in the eye. "Prepare yourself, pipsqueak, because I'm taking your little tea stunt as a declaration of war!"

"What?! No! Please tell me you aren't serious!" Alphonse cried, but neither listened to him.

Edward grinned in response, determination clear in his eyes. "Do your worst," he responded, crossing his arms. Alphonse sighed as he looked between the two stubborn blonds, realizing there was nothing he could do.

…

And so the great prank war between the two commenced. It started out small with things like Ed dying William's hair green in his sleep or William washing Ed's white gloves with his red coat, but quickly escalated: Ed transmuting the croutons in William's salad into baking soda so they would fizz out all over his meal when he poured vinegar over them, William filing down the platforms of Ed's shoes so he'd lose an inch in height, Ed making all of William's pens write only in invisible ink, William telling Armstrong that it was Ed's birthday so he would try to hug him, and so on. After a while they stopped seeming less like pranks and more like actual attacks…

Alphonse hoped they would stop this before it went too far, however his hopes were in vain when he came home from the library one day only to find William, looking absolutely furious, attempting to chase down his brother while only wearing a towel around his waist and he was dripping with some kind of brown substance.

"GET BACK HERE RUNT!" he shouted as Ed leapt over the couch and ran towards the door. William stopped before he ran out into the public hallway and glowered at Ed who was smirking evilly at him from just outside the entryway. Al glanced between them both in fear and confusion.

"Stop smirking like that! It's not funny!" He snapped.

"You're right," Ed said with a chuckle, "It's hilarious."

"Grrrr!" William growled, trying to grab him and pull him back in side, "Get in here, you little shrimp!"

"I'm not a shrimp!"

"Guys stop it!" Al finally shouted, "What on Earth has gotten into you two?!"

William pointed at Edward accusingly. "The kid put gravy powder in the shower head!" he explained, "I got doused in the stuff when I turned it on and now I've got no way to clean it off! I'm going to smell like gravy for days! I can't even put clothes on without getting grease all over them!"

"That's what you get for sicking the Major on me!" Ed retorted.

"Oh come on, that wasn't that bad! He probably would have hugged you anyways," William argued, "This is far worse than that, and you know it!"

"I beg to differ!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Al shouted, "This is gone on long enough. Please, can't you just and this stupid war already?"

Both were silent for a moment before Will spoke up. "Alright," he said, "I'll end it." Alphonse sighed in relief. "I'll end it with one final attack." Alphonse raised his hands in questioning and frustration.

"THAT'S NOT ENDING IT!" he snapped, "That is the exact opposite of ending it!"

"No it is," William said, a devilish smile spread across his face, "Because it will be so devastating, you'll never want to get back at me again for fear of something worse!"

Al looked at his brother nervously, feeling the need to back off at his malicious look.

Ed, however, merely scoffed as he smirked back. "I doubt that," he said.

"Brother! Don't egg him on!" Al hissed to Ed.

"Oh believe it," William warned, "You're gonna regret that little shower thing. Trust me." He said before stalking back to the bathroom.

Edward would never admit it, but he was mildly troubled by the evil look in his eyes. However, he felt if he just kept on his guard he'd be fine.

And for a while he was. The days came and went and nothing seemed to happen. He kept his guard up for a full two weeks before forgetting about the silly little war, and it appeared that William had forgotten too...That was, at least until Lieutenant Colonel Hughes dropped by East City.

Edward sighed as he half listened to the man rant about his family. He had been going on for a full fifteen minutes, talking about the girl's second birthday. "Look at this one!" he said, "Look at her using the fork to eat her birthday cake! Isn't she just adorable with that frosting on her nose?"

"Yeah...Sure…" Ed said rolling his eyes. They then lit up as they caught sight of William walking towards them with a satchel. He breathed a sigh of relief. At least now he didn't have to suffer this alone. Hughes was a great guy, but sometimes he wished he would stop his motor mouth for a bit. "William!" He called to his sibling, "Good to see you. Care to join us?" He gave his brother a pleading look.

William smirked wickedly in response, which confused his younger sibling. "Oh of course," he said, "I was actually looking for you, Hughes!"

The man looked surprised while Ed furrowed his brow. What was he up too? He didn't have time to ask, as he immediately sat down on the opposite side of Maes Hughes. "Really?" he asked, "Why was that?"

"Oh I had something very special to show you," he said, evil smirk never leaving his face, "After all, you show us so many pictures of your family I thought it was high time I showed you some of ours!" Maes gave a slightly confused but intrigued look while Ed looked alarmed. What was he talking about? What pictures? His alarm suddenly turned to horror as he saw William look him directly in the eye as he pulled out a very familiar baby blue binder. The one his mother had compiled all of his and Al's baby photos in.

"W-Where did you get that?!" he questioned, eyes fixated on it.

"Oh, I just asked Pinako to send it up!" he said innocently, "She's kept it in great condition, you know. I don't think there's a single one missing." He then turned to the black haired man, "So would you like to see them?"

"Oh sure!" Hughes said.

"No DON'T!" Ed shouted trying to reach over the table to try and grab it. Will moved it slightly out of reach and Edward found his small body half splayed over the table. The cafeteria suddenly became silent as all eyes were on him. He glanced around and mentally cursed as the many pairs of eyes on him. Crap. If he drew too much attention to them, he'd have more than just Hughes getting a peek at those pictures. "Its there something wrong Ed?" Hughes asked, clearly worried.

Ed suddenly moved back into his seat before laughing nervously. "Oh no! It's nothing!" he said, "But William, do you really want to pull out such an...important family album on this dirty cafeteria table? The photos could get ruined."

"Nah, they'll be fine," he assured, "They're all laminated. Nothing's gonna hurt them." Edward glared darkly at his brother as he flipped open the album. "Now let's see...Where to begin," he said as he flipped through it until he found a page, "Oh look! Here's Ed when he was two! For Dad's birthday he tried to make him a pie...out of mud. Needless to say, neither Mom nor Dad were happy when he tried to bring it inside to serve, but it's the thought that counts." Edward blushed furiously at this, looking away. "And here's him when he was three!" he pointed to another picture of the little boy in oversized clothing, "He was going through a pirate phase at the time, so he decided to dress up as one. He ended up borrowing my boots and Dad's jacket for his outfit. He couldn't find an eye patch so he made one for himself out of a tube sock."

Maes gave an amused look at the photo of the extremely proud looking boy with a sock tied over his eye. "Aww…" he said, "That's adorable…" Ed on the other hand did not think so, as he was gritting his teeth, glaring daggers at his older brother.

"And here's him on his first birthday…" he pointed out the picture of the boy eating his cake, "How he got frosting in his hair I'll never know…" Edward groaned as he continued, hiding his face in his hands. "And this is him bundled up for his first snow storm back in Risembool! You can't even see his face under all those scarves!" Maes chuckled at that, only furthering the boy's embarrassment. This continued for what felt like hours until Ed finally couldn't take it any more. He got up all of a sudden and marched out of the room.

"Ed?" Maes asked, "Where are you going?"

"Far away from here!" he growled, trying to hide his face as he was still blushing furiously.

Maes raised an eyebrow as he watched him leave before turning to William in concern. "Is he all right?" he asked.

"Oh he'll be fine," William said, a very satisfied smile on his face as he flipped to the next page.

…

Edward avoided his older brother all day. He didn't know if he would be able to stop himself from punching him if he did. He couldn't believe he had humiliated him like that. It had left him in a sour mood for the rest of the day, even after he had gotten back to the dorm. Alphonse had tried to ask him what was wrong, but he didn't tell him. Instead he opted to pretend to do research on the couch so that no one would bother him. He had remained undisturbed until his brother came home a few hours later.

He had briefly glanced up at him as he entered through the door before glowering and looking away. "Hey Ed," he said walking up to him and sitting next to him on the couch, "How's it going?"

"How do you think, asshole?" he growled at him, "After all you did a pretty fine job of ruining my day! I hope you're proud of yourself." He then turned away from him.

William frowned. "Really? That ruined your whole day?" he questioned.

"Of course it did!" Ed cried, rounding on him, "You humiliated me with that stupid scrapbook!"

William frowned slightly. "Oh. Sorry," he responded.

Ed gave him a baffled look. "Sorry?! How are you sorry?! You PLANNED this! You wanted to make fun of me in front of the other military personnel!" He roared.

"Not I didn't!" William argued, "First off, my goal was to embarrass you, not humiliate you. There's a fine line between those things. If I wanted to humiliate you, I would have shown that album to Roy or Archer, or someone else besides the lieutenant colonel." "And secondly," he continued, "I wasn't making fun of you. That was never my intention. Not for a second." Ed gave him a confused look. "Believe it or not...All those moments I showed Hughes are actually ones I hold pretty close to my heart," he admitted, throwing the boy off, "I adored you two back then. I still do. You and Al are some of the most important things in the world to me. I knew those things would embarrass you, but I was never trying to make fun of you."

Ed studied his brother's expression for a moment. He couldn't find any hint of lying but that still didn't heal all of his hurt feelings from the situation. "Alright…" he said, "But you're still an asshole. An evil, sadistic, asshole."

William chuckled and crossed his arms. "Fair enough," he responded, "You can call me asshole all you want. So long as we finally drop this whole prank thing...and you admit I won." He smirked at his brother and Ed rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he responded. William smiled before ruffling his hair, to which Ed swatted the hand away. William then got up to take a nap. Ed lied back on the couch as he decided to take one of his own. His mind felt much more at ease now that this stupid fight was over.

"AHHHH!"

Ed smirked, not opening his eyes as he heard the telltale sign that Will had found the garter snake in his bed. Yes. Now he truly could rest easy.


End file.
